“You have power over your mind – not outside events”
Marcus Aurelius
How do you react when under stress? Are you calm and clear? Or do you become tense and irritable?
The last six months have been testing. We faced the first global pandemic in 100 years. It’s devastating from a health and economic perspective.
During these times it’s easy to become agitated and then lose control of our emotions. This can have devastating effects on our relationships at home and at work.
Can we control our emotions?
The old
This idea is not really new. People have been talking about managing emotions for thousands of years. The Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius is a great example who documented his thoughts in his journal Meditations. He emphasised the importance of focusing on what you can control and maintaining tranquillity of mind.
“The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”
Marcus Aurelius
It’s amazing how relevant his “Meditations” are today. The world has changed rapidly through technology and globalisation, but human nature and the brain is much the same.
The new
More recently, scientific research has added some rigour and practicality to the idea of “managing your emotions”.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman proposes that emotional intelligence matters than IQ. It’s what separates great leaders from the average. His key finding is that emotional intelligence can be learned.
This is good news for us! It means we can learn not to be angry at our co-workers when we are frustrated. We can take measures to ensure we don’t come home to our loved ones in destructive moods. It just takes some self-awareness and practice.
It’s important to look beyond the fancy buzzword of “Emotional Intelligence” to something practical that everyone can use to improve their lives. Emotional Intelligence can be distilled into four domains:
- Self-awareness: knowing your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals.
- Self-management: controlling and redirecting disruptive emotions to improve behaviour.
- Social awareness: Using empathy to consider other’s feelings.
- Relationship management: Putting time and energy into your relationships.
By being aware of these four domains we can better manage our emotional state.
Spend time thinking through your emotions. After becoming aware of your emotions how do you respond? Do you curtail destructive emotions or let them explode?
It’s not all about you. Listen and observe. Do you pay attention to other people’s emotions and try to understand what it really going on with them? Use the knowledge of your emotions and others to improve your interactions.
Some action ideas:
Self awareness: You know you become unbearable when behind schedule for a looming deadline, so you take the time to plan and get work done in advance.
Self-management: You feel snappy after a really tough day at work, so you take a walk around the block to cool down before going home to your partner.
Social awareness: During a team meeting of bad news you notice a co-worker appears distant and sad. You put yourself in their shoes. Afterward you catch up for a coffee and show support.
Relationship management: Spend time with those that matter and listen. You regularly have lunch with your team members. You have dinner as a family at the kitchen table.
How are your emotions impacting your life?
