Welcome to The Looking Glass, my weekly newsletter – A journey of personal growth into mindset, self-mastery, meaning in work for creators and solopreneurs.
#41 – 03 Feb 2023
💡 Cut yourself some slack
So you got fed up with your life and decided to change.
Great!
You thought that was the hard part.
But then you realise that was only the first step.
Wonderful.
And now the hard part is really beginning.
You’re overwhelmed with options.
You’re confused about which way to go next.
You’re not sure which advice to trust as it all feels conflicting.
Suddenly two years have gone by! And you don’t feel like you haven’t made much progress.
A few steps forward, then many steps backward.
It’s a constant dance.
A struggle.
Sound familiar?
Well, that’s exactly how I have felt over the last couple of years trying to navigate this change from a burned-out and bored corporate executive to a solopreneur creator and coach.
I had a tremendous feeling of guilt.
Am I wasting my time here?
We all have doubts when we feel a lack of progress.
Thankfully I spotted this tweet from Paul Millerd, who is a seasoned veteran ahead of me on this unconventional ‘pathless path’:
“If you spend ten or so years in the corporate world you will probably need 4-5 years just to get your footing again and find a direction that feels sustainable more than a year or two.
This is the huge advantage younger people have on exiting the system earlier. Less to unlearn.
I think I am being too harsh on myself.
And maybe you are too.
After my 15-year career in corporate, I still have a lot of “unlearning” to do.
And you probably do, too.
It’s unrealistic to think we can just jump off the ship and expect things to be easy.
It’s not going to be easy.
A fellow creator on the path, Kyle Kowalski, replied to Paul with:
Can confirm (10 years corporate, and I’m approaching 5 years solo. Although I did 2.5 years of deep self-discovery, purpose-finding, etc at the tail end of my corporate decade while still fully employed, so I had a good idea of what direction I wanted (*needed*) to pursue).
So I felt like I had “wasted” the last two years while lost and thrashing about.
But I know that is not entirely true.
The ‘wasting’ was necessary.
Now things are starting to fall into place, and I can see a way forward.
This was evident when I had some friends over for dinner this week.
They asked how my new career was going. I enthusiastically launched off, explaining my latest thoughts on the creator economy and my plans for the next six months.
Wow, they couldn’t believe it, hearing about how others are carving a path out online pursuing their interests as a one-person business. Many consistently create valuable content and find ways to get paid for it. They had no idea about the opportunities.
Personal growth = business growth but only when you post online.
Dan Koe
Suddenly I realised how much I do ‘know’.
My journey of exploration has radically expanded my idea of what is possible. For example, I can basically become a one-person media company with the no-code technology tools available.
Whoa, I didn’t see that coming.
We don’t have to settle for the average life we have been dished up.
I have come a long way, even though it might not feel like it in tangible results.
Think of it like an iceberg.
The tip of the iceberg, above the water, is the exterior person and their results. But underneath the water, there is an even bigger mass of identity, beliefs and values that need to undergo a deep internal change before you see those results on top.
Maybe you have some ‘wasting’ to do on your path of change.
Don’t be so harsh on yourself.
Even though it might feel like not much is happening, trust me, a lot is going on below the surface. And it doesn’t help to try and force or rush it. Things are happening in their own time.
Embrace it as a necessary part of the journey.
❔ The digital cleanse
Are you comfortable with how much time you spend on your smartphone?
Who are we kidding?
We both know we need to cut back, don’t we?
It can be a real trap.
Especially if you are trying to build something online, it’s tempting to keep checking things.
There is always something to improve and new things to keep an eye on.
But if you’re like me and many others, you probably feel this guilt, like an internal ache that you should cut back, but then you don’t really do anything to cut back.
Part of the problem there is we say we ‘should’. But we don’t make a clear action plan for what that cutting back could look like.
We feel the pain from this digital overload in many forms. Jim Kwik summarises this agony as the four supervillains of the digital age: digital deluge, digital distraction, digital dementia, and digital deduction:
Digital Deluge
Too much to process but not enough time.
The problem with digital deluge is two-fold. The first is that just like we can eat ourselves sick — even with healthy food — we can do the same with information. Too much of anything is overwhelming, and if we’re shoving information into our brain nonstop, the likelihood that we’ll retain much dwindles dramatically.
The second problem is that when we spend so much time consuming information, we also increase the odds that the quality of information goes down. In the same way that not all food is equally nutritious, not all information is intellectually nourishing.
Digital Distraction
We’re always on and drowning in notifications. We now struggle to connect with family and friends. And we can no longer stay focused at work.
Becoming reliant on our devices is one thing, but this constant distraction is enhanced the more connected we are. We check email while working, pop in and out of texts and messenger apps, and are subject to a constant barrage of notifications. For many of us, this constant connectivity is expected in our work place, where emails full of high priority demands come in at all hours of the day and night.
All of these notifications and the impulse to check our devices has disastrous consequences on our brain health. It reduces our ability to focus and concentrate, instead rewarding us to be distracted. Every time we get a notification, we get a dopamine hit, rewarding us for constantly checking our devices.
Digital Dementia
Overusing technology breaks down our cognitive abilities. We outsource our brains to our devices.
It’s not just the nonstop connectivity that wears on our brain. We become accustomed to having everything at our digital fingertips. Things like phone numbers, addresses, or even solving math problems are no longer a priority to remember. We can simply look it up.
Using technology to help us free brain space isn’t entirely a bad thing.
The problem is that the less we use our short-term memory, the more those pathways degrade. And because our long-term memory stores are reliant and strengthened every time we exercise our recall, those end up suffering too. Memory, like anything, is a muscle. The less we exercise it, the weaker it becomes.
Digital Deduction
The over-reliance on technology to solve every problem leaves us prone to overconfidence and poor decision-making.
Unfortunately, as the world produces more information, the harder it can be to find quality information. As true as it is that we live in the age of information, it’s equally true that we live in the age of misinformation. The real problem is that we can become overly reliant on certain sources, letting their opinions form our own. Or, we go into a search expecting certain answers and stop looking when our opinions are confirmed.
In either scenario, we’re dulling our critical thinking and reasoning skills. This eventually impacts our problem-solving abilities and overall executive functionality. When we become reliant on obtaining digital information, we stop taking the time to solve problems or think through difficult situations on our own.
A solution to the digital villains – a digital cleanse
This post from writer, Charles Miller, caught my attention:
Digital cleanse I’m doing:
- Phone out of sight 22+ hours a day
- Phone on silent 100% of the time
- Take it out 3x max when at home
- Only texts and calls on phone
- Social media on desktop only
- Computer use only in working hours
- Lots of reading
Highly recommend.
I can see a lot of benefits in there.
The following stand out for me right now:
- Keep the phone in a separate room while working.
- Use social media and email only on the desktop during set times.
- Only use the computer during working hours. Exchange the late evening browsing for reading physical books.
But I imagine it’s much harder in practice to implement too much change.
Habit master James Clear recommends starting with an incredibly small habit. Here are his rules for actually sticking to good habits:
1. You have to start with a version of the habit that is incredibly easy for you. It must be so easy that you can’t say no to doing it and so easy that it is not difficult at all in the beginning.
2. You have to increase your habit each day, but in an incredibly small way.
3. Even after increasing your habit, all repetitions must remain easy. The total habit should be broken down into easier pieces if needed.
I love this idea of starting incredibly small.
Too often, we bite off more than we can chew. And so we give up.
Make it so easy you can’t say no.
Leo Babauta
So let’s try and implement one change and see if we notice a difference.
Which one stands out to you?
What is one ‘digital cleanse’ action you would be willing to implement for the next week?
💬 A quote to ponder
– Questions for change: maybe you need to rearrange
A question I think we have gotta ask ourselves of when we want to make a change, or should we make a change, or how should we make a change, is to ask ourselves:
Has the way I’m doing it ceased to pay me back?
And I mean… That’s also souls account too. You know:Is the way I am going about the thing not creating compounding assets for me?
They may be in a rut of a relationship.
Are we getting a return on the investment that we are making on ourselves?
Maybe that’s what we all want. And when we are not getting that, we gotta go:‘Hey, maybe the way I think I’m doing it is not the way it’s being received. Maybe the way that I actually think I’m doing it is getting received as I think it is, and it’s not paying me back. I need to rearrange.’
Matthew McConaughey
📣 What happened this week
Battling imposter syndrome on the job
Do you sometimes question your ability?
Do you often feel out of your depth?
They call it imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.
Wikipedia
I feel this resistance all the time:
“Why are you doing creative work? You have no business being here. You’re an accountant, and it’s only a matter of time until everyone sees you shouldn’t be here..”
Don’t worry.
This feeling is normal, and it happens to all of us.
It’s usually a sign we are growing and expanding outside our comfort zone.
And those doubts you have?
They’re probably false.
That person who needs your help doesn’t care about your imposter syndrome or limiting beliefs.
For them you’re the real deal.
Don’t underestimate the power of your life experience.
Limitless Reader
Don’t underestimate the power of your life experience.”
A remedy
Don’t focus on what level you are on.
“I’m only a beginner.”
Instead, focus on the gaps you can fill for others.
“What high-value knowledge or skills do I have that could solve someone’s real problems?”
Stop worrying about how you are new to this line of work.
If you can help someone a couple of steps behind you, then you have justified your price tag.
That impact you are making to improve the lives of others is worth something.
Believe in your value.
💭 Thanks for reading!
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Cheers!
