Read time: 9 minutes
MCC #64 – 14 Jul 2023
Welcome to My Creative Calling!
At some stage in your life, you come to a crossroads:
Should I stay or should I go?
Do I keep frivolously enjoying myself, or do I “grow up”?
It’s nice not having any commitments.
You can come and go as you please.
You don’t have to answer to anyone.
You have no real responsibility.
Sounds fun.
And it is.
Until it isn’t.
The modern-day Peter Pan
All children, except one, grow up.
They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother.
I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’
This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.
J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
You know the story of Peter Pan, right?
I can’t remember it exactly. It’s been a while. But I remember watching the movie Hook on repeat as a kid, where Robin Williams stared as Peter Pan.
But the concept that stands out in my mind is:
A boy refused to grow up. He journeyed to the magical world of Neverland, where lost children lived and never grew up.
What is so appealing about this idea?
As you enter adulthood, you rebel from maturity. You want to hit the pause button and stay free as a child. But that isn’t possible. You can’t run off to Neverland.
Then as you age, this idea of remaining childlike becomes more seductive. Life gets hard. You feel like you are drowning in commitments and responsibilities. So the idea of escapism is quite captivating. You want to unlock your inner child. Wouldn’t running off to a world of imagination, adventure, and friendship be nice?
In what ways are you Peter Pan?
You might be wondering why we are talking about Peter Pan here.
I was on a call with a new creator friend, chatting about the dream of being a digital nomad and living around the world.
And some questions came up:
How do we know when it’s time to go?
When and where should we settle down?
A story came to mind.
I wasn’t far into that story when I blurted out, “I felt like I was living a Peter Pan life.”
So what was the story?
My Peter Pan story
I had spent much of my 20s having a good time—lots of travelling, partying, football, and playing music in bands. I was building my career as an accountant, but I lived for the weekends.
But it was nearing time to “settle down”.
The city I lived in was very traditional. Most people finished school, got a job, worked hard, got married, had kids, and so on…
The people who had different dreams for their life got out. They moved to Sydney or Melbourne, or overseas. Then usually located back many years later when the time for them to settle down closer to family.
So I was engaged then, and my fiancé and I had just bought a house. I could see the whole path laid out before me.
But I felt like something was missing.
A bucket list item.
I wanted to live and work overseas before settling down.
It was time for a serious chat with my soon-to-be wife.
So I laid out my idea — why don’t we move to London as part of our honeymoon?
It didn’t go down so well.
But I explained my reasons.
And eventually, I persuaded her to entertain my plan.
But it all seemed too hard.
Could we really do this?
The family didn’t understand. They wanted babies.
“You’re going to move to the other side of the world?”
Naturally, they were trying to protect us and keep us close.
Still, we were committed.
The next minute, we were getting married and had rented out our house, quit our jobs and were on the plane to London, UK.
I don’t know if you have ever been to London or lived there. But here’s what I tell people:
The more time you spend there, the better it gets.
At first, it was hard. Really hard. We felt trapped in a shoebox-size apartment in a cold foreign country with no friends or family.
You feel so alone.
But that all changed quickly.
We got jobs easily enough.
We started travelling around Europe most weekends. Heck, I think we went to Italy 5 times!
But once we started making friends in London, we no longer wanted to leave. We wanted to stay put. We loved the city. We felt anxious we had pre-booked all these European weekends away.
We had only planned on going for one year. That was an easy sell to the family. And my old job in Australia said they might have opportunities if I changed my mind. So we had an easy way back.
But here was my first Peter Pan inflection point: Should we stay or go?
We were having the time of our lives. Why would we go back? Making new friends and not having all the commitments and baggage from back home was refreshing. And it was nice not having every weekend booked with family birthdays and other parties. For once in our adult lives, we could do whatever we wanted. So liberating.
But I was entering my 30s now, so the question did press on the back of my mind:
Was I missing out on something greater and more meaningful?
It felt kind of indulgent or hedonistic chasing this life of leisure and luxury around Europe while our friends were “settling down” back home and getting ahead in other ways — like having kids, starting businesses or buying real estate.
And for once, I actually loved my job as an accountant. I worked for a cool start-up brewery that was taking off like a rocket. But this also played into the Peter Pan lifestyle. What are the perks of being the finance manager of a brewery? Well, for one, there is a bar on site. And free beers. And endless parties. It’s a bit cliché, but people who work in beer companies love beer, so any excuse!
But the creep of all this socialising over alcohol meant I didn’t have time or energy for much else.
I wasn’t reading much. I wasn’t writing. I wasn’t creating anything.
No, I was just living it up! You might even say:
Refusing to grow up.
The reality slap
It all changed for me in one moment.
I started to really question my Peter Pan lifestyle.
So what was the wake-up call?
One thing that happens in London is a lot of networking. Usually in cafes, over coffee. But often in pubs, over beer.
A work colleague put me in touch with a hotshot finance guy. He was someone high up the ladder in corporate finance.
“Maybe this person could become a mentor. Open up some doors”, I wondered.
This rendezvous was going to be our first-ever meet. So I was shocked when the guy said to meet at some random pub on a back alley at 8 pm on a Wednesday — not your usual career advice meeting.
It turned out the football was on.
And do you know how much the English love their football?
Love is an understatement.
Football is life to many.
The pub was packed and loud when I arrived—lots of cheering and chanting.
After wandering around feeling lost, I realised I had to text the guy. I had no idea what he looked like.
“Over here.”
Ahh, there at the bar.
I could instantly tell he was a few pints down already by the chirpiness of his speech.
“Here goes,” I thought as I naively ordered a pint of lager.
So we launched into each other’s backstories and instantly hit it off. Easy to do with fellow Aussie ex-pats living in London. The beers kept pouring.
But I soon realised something was off.
Something didn’t add up.
If this guy was such a hotshot finance whiz, why was he out smashing 8 pints on Wednesday night with a stranger?
He was probably about ten years older than me. And so I wondered, doesn’t he have a family to get home to? What will they think of this? Won’t he have important business meetings in the morning?
But as the night went on, I gained some clarity to those answers.
It turned out the guy freaking hates his job. Sure, it pays the big bucks. But he’s miserable. He hates everyone he works with, and the endless meetings drive him crazy.
He wanted out. But he felt trapped.
He had become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. So even though he had a considerable income, he was spending all that on luxurious accommodation, fast cars, travelling, and partying five nights a week.
And the family?
His relationship had broken down over time. Work was always number one. He regretted not having kids. And since moving overseas, he’d lost touch with friends back home and couldn’t imagine going back. And the new friends he had made in London had either settled down with their own families, or he had burned his bridges with them.
So here he was, reduced to working 70 hours a week doing something he hates and getting hammered with a stranger on a Tuesday night.
It was miserable.
It sounded like a living hell.
He had chosen the Peter Pan lifestyle too many times. And it eventually cost him.
There were no violins or warning bells…
…no sense that my little life was about to change.
But we never know, do we? Life turns on a dime.
Stephen King
That’s when it hit me.
I do not want to become this guy.
Was I at risk of heading down the same path?
I previously wore my Peter Pan lifestyle like a badge of honour. But now I wasn’t so sure.
I now had a clear vision of where I didn’t want to end up.
So I started to make changes.
I wondered:
“Should I ignore the advice from my inner Peter Pan?”
“Maybe it was no longer serving my long-term interests?”
What now?
I started to consider some questions:
- What is more important in the long run?
- What do I value?
Well, that was easy to answer.
I wanted to become a father. I didn’t want to miss that opportunity. And there was no way I was raising a family in London.
I wanted to spend more time with my aging parents. These years are precious.
I wanted to do something on my own. I didn’t know what that was, but I wanted to do something meaningful — start a business, maybe write a book… But that wouldn’t happen in London. There were too many distractions, fun things to do, beer, and Euro trips.
It became blatantly obvious to me. It was time to go home.
I was entering a new chapter of life—a new season.
Before, I was afraid of responsibility. But now I was ready for it!
So I don’t know where you are in life, but I hope you draw some meaning from this story.
You might be the Peter Pan refusing to grow up. Or the eternal traveller afraid of committing to one place.
But it’s funny how life silently creeps up on you. Suddenly in a moment, after months or years of confusion, you know exactly what you need to do.
Often the writing was already on the wall. It just took us a while to come around.
And then we need to grow into the new chapter.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
E.E. Cummings
Suppose I didn’t work up the courage to make that change. I wouldn’t have left my accounting career and found my new loves of writing, creating, and coaching. And I wouldn’t have started this newsletter I am writing for you now.
Sometimes we need to make space in our lives for the new.
So, on the one hand, I’ve chosen to “grow up”. But at the same time, I bring a childlike wonder to this creative space.
What could be around the corner for you?
Reflection
A couple of lessons I drew out of this were:
1. It’s ok to wander
You don’t have to accept what society wants from you. Wait until you’re ready. We waited five years after marriage before having our first kid.
And I wouldn’t change a thing as those two years living in London were priceless, the adventure of a lifetime.
2. Life will tell you when it’s time for a new chapter
You may meet an unwitting guide like I did, who triggers a breakthrough. Or something may force your hand, like the pandemic, forcing significant change on people.
Maybe you will experience a heartbreak that will change everything, or maybe you will meet that one person you can’t not be around.
3. Reflect on your values and the meaningful goals you have in life
Beware that your inner Peter Pan, who refuses to grow up, doesn’t get in the way of what really matters.
Eventually, you will realise that if you stay in _____ (person, place, work or other things), you will not grow in other ways that may matter most.
A quote to ponder
Growing old is unavoidable, but never growing up is possible.
I believe you can retain certain things from your childhood if you protect them — certain traits, certain places where you don’t let the world go.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
What happened this week
Poetry & Purpose
Last week I introduced how I started writing poetry. I promised I would start sharing poems on my Substack.
Two dropped this week:
It comes from within
It comes from within,
that gracious wisdom.
Packed deep within our bones,
waiting to crack like a seed.
The manager
We see the outer life of
the manager.
All pleasantries and
fake smiles.
Final thoughts
Today’s writing background music playlist was Triple J’s Like A Version Spotify.
I hope you enjoyed this newsletter, please share it with a friend, and if you haven’t already, sign up here.
It would be great to have you on board!
Cheers!
Matt K. Head
When you’re ready, here’s how I can help you:
Coaching
- Find more meaning and fulfilment in your work
- Gain clarity and start taking action on your creative journey
