“We don’t want to beat ourselves up for beating ourselves up.”

Kristin Neff

What are we hoping to achieve when we beat ourselves up?

You know the feeling when that internal monologue takes over. It’s like an evil villain has taken over our brain. This hijacking usually occurs after we make a mistake or fail at something.

The ridiculous thing is that often, this derailment over something minor and irrelevant when considered in the context of a lifetime.

We cut ourselves down with a relentless barrage of negative comments about why we aren’t worthy or not good enough. 

It doesn’t make us feel any better. It doesn’t solve the problem. It adds to the insecurity and pain. It makes us feel more miserable.

Why can’t we stop doing it?

What is all the self-judgement costing us?

One of the worst is when we catch ourselves after having gone full circle. We realise that we are now criticising ourselves for being critical. We are beating ourselves up for beating ourselves up.

What if, instead, we chose to be more compassionate towards ourselves?

We could be kinder. We could be more understanding. We could be more forgiving.

We should treat ourselves as we treat others.

It all starts with self-kindness.

“Self-kindness, by definition, means that we stop the constant self-judgment and disparaging internal commentary that most of us have come to see as normal. It requires us to understand our foibles and failures instead of condemning them. It entails clearly seeing the extent to which we harm ourselves through relentless self-criticism, and ending our internal war.”

Kristin Neff, Self Compassion

Self-kindness is more than just stopping self-judgment. We can actively comfort and support ourselves. Isn’t that what we would do for a friend in need?

Let’s start by helping ourselves

Reflection

Today I am going to practise self-kindness. 

When something doesn’t go my way:

• I am going to acknowledge the difficult situation.
• How can I best comfort and support myself through this moment?